"Sometimes there's so much beautyin the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in."- American Beauty
I love American Beauty and this is probably one of the greatest movie quotes ever. I thought it was appropriate to my feelings today. Today was long and I am kind of sick, so not feeling 100% makes things hard. I started off the day not being able to sleep (and making that an excuse to not go to the gym), so 5 AM on involved applying for jobs (aka writing love letters to various companies), watching Mac Miller puke to wake up (online, silly), reading for class, coding for fun, working, and meeting for a group project. I really like learning how to code- I think I have HTML down and am getting the hang of CSS (just the basics, but it makes me feel like a wizard). Maybe I should have minored in producing and computer science... Anyways, work was fine- really excited about the big project I am working on.
However, I got to watch a pre-screening of the pilot for the new season of World of Jenks with a Q&A with Jenky himself. He is a champion of the world- and that is how I feel about it. His show was funny, sad, and true. And that made it beautiful. It didn't seem overly produced and seemed authentic- I know it isn't really, but the cynic inside me melted and I actually almost cried at a few parts. It seems so ridiculous, but it reminded me of how happy I have been. My mood has been really good lately, but being sick has really put a damper on how I feel overall. Yesterday was especially frustrating, but as I told my roommate, as I was walking down the stairs to the subway I saw a man on crutches because of his legs being deformed. He struggled for every step he took, but he kept on trekking. It made me think, 'Why should I complain when I walk with ease?' I felt frustrated by fleeting things, but I have my health and have been so fortunate lately. It is hard to complain, so I toughened up and felt less upset.
I spend my morning walks outside looking up at the skyscrapers to remember where I am and where I want to be. When I see the Empire State building in the distance, I remember working there and I can't help but feel proud and like this city belongs to me- and I belong to it. It reminds me of the magic of the city- and I don't want to lose grip of it. This place is really special. I also had the fortune of running into my friend Diksha last night, who warmed my heart a bit by simply saying she never worried about me. I should stop worrying about me, too. I want to focus on the beauty of life and really take advantage of all that there is. Actually, that is basically what I always want- but I won't give up on the ambition- my fire is just fueled more, now. Going to keep on trekking and indulge in the beauty of what life has to offer. So maybe life is just like a box of chocolates...
Also, I want to clarify that I am proud to be the person I am right now and that is enough. I think a lot of advertising messages (that target both men and women to feed into their insecurities) insist that you (the consumer) is and never will be good enough. They must buy, buy, buy improvement of the self in the form of a product or idea. However, this only creates a vicious cycle of ineptitude and insecurity. The continuation of such disaffections promotes low self esteem, depression, and seclusion. Of course, no one overtly opts to take part, but those who choose to take to the ways of Walden may have a point (or just really like trees). You are good and right as you are.
On a more concrete note, meeting for class today was crazy frustrating. It induced the most anxiety in me that I have had all semester, which means I really need to stop hacking out my lungs and go to the gym as a pretend healthy human.
Other highlights of the week were getting coffee and dinner with friends, as well as bonding over an early dinner of over-priced falafel with my Entrepreneurship group. We are too cute. Eating food is wonderful.
Entonces, in school, I have a research paper I need to start thinking about for my Global TV class (ideally it would have to do with Jersey Shore being broadcasted globally in its original/dubbed format) and a midterm next week. Holla, holla. In life, I am coaching skating at City Ice for the first time on Sunday- yayyyyyy!
In other news, NYU is #1 most douchey American university (obvi): http://www.buzzfeed.com/jpmoore/10-douchiest-colleges-in-america
More thoughts to come. I am like Thought Catalog from one human brain (and much more ego-centric because this blog is MINE!).
Allora.... a domani!
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