Changing with the oncoming seasons

It rained a little today, almost like a foreshadowing of Autumn after the long days of inconsistent heat and scattered clouds.

As the calendar is slowly creeping into sweater weather and everyone anticipates taking their last few trips to the beach, classes are going to be starting for my friends. In other words, I am not sure where that leaves me. Of course, I am excited for them, but I am overwhelmed by the idea that I am not joining them. I know I can still go to the parties and won't have all of those papers, but it won't be the same. I won't be the same. Nothing is changing for me, but I don't know how to handle the difference that will come between now and the next few weeks. Will my friends no longer have time for me like a vapid summer fling? Or will more people be ready to get together at the drop of a hat because more of us are here together? I am hopeful, but not naive. Does that make me more of an adult? I don't think so.

As I wrote last week, I want it to be November. In November, I think I will have everything figured out and I will be more used to this life I am living. In November, I will be more used to my social situation, my job, and even myself as it relates to both. I won't have to worry or wonder what the next few days will be like.

It is funny because the uncertainty I am facing now is much different than the uncertainty I faced a few months ago, when I had just graduated and was unsure how my summer would be. I guess everything works out in the end. I truly can't complain about anything right now- it is pretty close to perfect: I have amazing and supportive friends, can pay my own bills/ be independent, live in the greatest city in the world, and know that the world is my oyster. If I really wanted to, I could just leave or change something- how I wear my hair, where I live, who I spend time with, and even what I do professionally. Maybe it wouldn't be a snap of my fingers, but I can change.

I can change, just like the seasons.

Thinking about November

The latest? Friday night I went out to dinner at La Palapa. Saturday, I skated and coached for the first time in a long time. It went well. Once I got back into the city, I went to the Guggenheim with Sammie and Alice. We got dinner at Purple Ginger and it was amazing. Sunday, I got brunch with Sophie at Hummus Place, hung out with another friend, and went over to Liliana's new apartment for dinner. Her building is so nice and we had an amazing view of the city from her rooftop. Overall, it was pretty great. Monday, I did some chores so I felt a bit like an adult (or something). Tuesday, Daniel said goodbye after staying over a few days to go home to LA and then Paris for next semester. Wednesday I went to The Woods with Kayla in Williamsburg. Thursday I got dinner with Jess at Via della Pace. Friday, I got breakfast with Cristina at Financier. TBD this weekend....

At work, I have been meeting with some major magazine reps for my Alexis Bittar client and still getting lots of free food- I find it exciting. I need to get better at feeding myself, regardless. I am not sure what I have planned for the rest of the week, but we will see....

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I wanted it to be November on Monday. I felt a little sad and even though it was hot out, I wore my biggest seafoam green sweater with full length jeans and boots. It felt nice to sweat a little and I pondered whether I would have things more figured out in November. I hope so- to be more settled into my job, to feel more stable in my friendships, to know whether I am going to travel or study or work more in the near future, and to just feel more adult-y. Then again, I am unsure of whether I will ever feel adulty. I go to the gym, pay rent, and work. I think for now, that is enough.

A new account, @BeardPapasNY, & @Werethemillers

I am on another account at work and things are really starting to pick up, which is a little scary, but more exciting than anything else. I really want to dive in and learn a lot. I have also been having quite a few personal meetings with people from outside companies, which makes me feel like a real business person... or something. I am working on it, anyway. Plus, going to start coaching this weekend again- yayyyyy! All of this is a good thing.

The highlight of my week was probably the fact that I got Beard Papa on Monday. So amazing. Green tea latte and cocoa puff with vanilla filling. I could eat soooooo many, but I shouldn't. On Tuesday, I went to my favorite theater with Michelle (it is so old, pretty, and huge) to see We are the Millers for $7 (included a free $6.50 popcorn- the most expensive in the city). Of course the weekly deal makes the movie even sweeter (or popcorn-ier?), but We are the Millers was actually really funny. I recommend seeing it. I also missed out on seeing Kayla and Michelle for two days straight from being away/ busy, which was weird. In pathetic news, I feel asleep at 8 PM last night. Don't be jealous. I basically haven't had time to sleep. I also need to figure out fun weekend plans- besides skating and writing. Will keep y'all updated.

Besides new potential opportunities, food (it's going to be Burger Day tomorrow!), and expansion in my work, I feel like my social life is changing slowly as well. School is going to start again for a lot of my friends who are still students and I am worried they won't have as much time for me, but who knows. My life is changing and so are theirs, so I am just going to have to ride the wave.


Baci!
-S

On commitment

Commitment is a funny thing. I sometimes convince myself I know exactly what I want and other times I convince myself I have no idea. I think the truth lies somewhere in between. Then again, would I even be able to tell? Do I want to stay or go or be here or there? I guess it all comes down to how I am feeling- whether I will write or go to the gym or visit a museum. Maybe I just have too many feelings. These feelings include drive to have things and go places and achieve things- what some may call ambition. Too much so like Caesar... Hopefully, there is no Brutus in my life- I only want to surround myself with people who will bring positivity. The scary thing is that you don't know who might hurt you at any given time- or if that is even their intention.

Something else wrangling the depths of my mind: the glow only lasts an hour. What happens when all of the magic fades and there is only normalcy (what could be worse?)? Speaking of normalcy, the gradient really varies so much depending on perspective- just stating the obvious.

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If all of that was too touchy-feely for you, here is some news.

News!:

Besides work, I met with a new mentor who works at Twitter and gave me some kick ass advice. He basically suggested I write copy for the hell of it and see how it goes. Otherwise, he was super supportive and nice.

I also had an amazing dinner at Capitale Grille in the Theater District for Restaurant Week for Sammie's 21st birthday. Grace, Liliana, Ben, and Alice were there and it was really special. The food was amazing- I got the clam chowder, filet minon, and flourless chocolate espresso cake. My only complaint was that we ate really late- probably got our food around 10:30 PM. I was dying a little, but the food was SOOOOOOO good. After, we played pool in K-Town and it was fun (even though we were all pretty terrible). For part 2 of Sammie's birthday, we went to Santos Party House where we had bottle service. Jon and Adi came, plus Sammie had a fun time. It was nice to spend time with friends.

This weekend, I am going to start coaching again. It is going to be nice, but weird since I haven't coached for the last month or so. Plus, I have barely been riding the subway because I usually just walk to work. Speaking of which, it is so much nicer to walk to work than to ride the subway- even though it takes a little longer. There are just always delays or weird issues and I don't want to deal with it, period.

I feel like I should plan an adventure so I have something nice to look forward to in the upcoming weeks.

TBC...

xoxo
-S