It rained a little today, almost like a foreshadowing of Autumn after the long days of inconsistent heat and scattered clouds.
As the calendar is slowly creeping into sweater weather and everyone anticipates taking their last few trips to the beach, classes are going to be starting for my friends. In other words, I am not sure where that leaves me. Of course, I am excited for them, but I am overwhelmed by the idea that I am not joining them. I know I can still go to the parties and won't have all of those papers, but it won't be the same. I won't be the same. Nothing is changing for me, but I don't know how to handle the difference that will come between now and the next few weeks. Will my friends no longer have time for me like a vapid summer fling? Or will more people be ready to get together at the drop of a hat because more of us are here together? I am hopeful, but not naive. Does that make me more of an adult? I don't think so.
As I wrote last week, I want it to be November. In November, I think I will have everything figured out and I will be more used to this life I am living. In November, I will be more used to my social situation, my job, and even myself as it relates to both. I won't have to worry or wonder what the next few days will be like.
It is funny because the uncertainty I am facing now is much different than the uncertainty I faced a few months ago, when I had just graduated and was unsure how my summer would be. I guess everything works out in the end. I truly can't complain about anything right now- it is pretty close to perfect: I have amazing and supportive friends, can pay my own bills/ be independent, live in the greatest city in the world, and know that the world is my oyster. If I really wanted to, I could just leave or change something- how I wear my hair, where I live, who I spend time with, and even what I do professionally. Maybe it wouldn't be a snap of my fingers, but I can change.
I can change, just like the seasons.
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